Friday, October 24, 2014
I remember when it was hip to have soft jeans. Jean manufacturing has progressed to the point that the denim you buy in the store is already soft; it wasn't always that way. We would bring new jeans home and wash them repeatedly before wearing to soften them up. Now the idea is to save the Earth by not washing them. Anderson Cooper claims to wear the same jeans daily and wash them once a year.
I wash mine about every two wearings. I would prefer you do likewise.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
By The Big Guy
Yes I did. I went out a few days ago and early voted. I’m lucky. I live in a state where the opportunity to vote in a national election is made as easy as possible by the wide availability of early voting locations and hours. For a full two weeks prior to Election Day I can go to any of the dozens of polling places in my county. They’re open 9-5 Monday through Saturday (yes, Saturday) and 9-3 on Sunday. Next week they expand the hours. You can vote from 9-7! That’s the way it should be everywhere across this great land of ours. It’s not.
I’m pretty sure that in Ohio polling places are now only open to cast an early ballot between 3 and 4AM (because someone said that after all, it’s supposed to be EARLY voting) on a Friday sometime between now and Election Day that has yet to be announced. In Texas, of course, it’s a bit more accessible. Early voting is open to people that own more than ten guns (or five automatic weapons) or any registered republican. Meet these criteria, you can vote whenever and wherever you damn please. And in Alabama early voting is open to anyone wearing a Crimson Tide football jersey who can spell their name correctly on the first try.
Of course my luck ran out when I sat down at the touch screen voting machine and saw the names from which I could choose. I have had several months to learn everything bad these people have done in their lives from their opponent’s television advertising. I never again need to hear the words “Washington insider” or “Career politician” again. Isn’t anyone who wins elected office a career politician? Does that make you a bad person? Never mind.
I found some of the other voters in the room amusing. We were rather tightly packed in with fifteen voting machines, all of which were in use when I was there. The lady to my left seemed to be convinced I was cheating off her ballot. She kept glancing my way and “tsk”ing. I wanted to tell her there were no wrong answers and I didn’t care who she voted for but I figured she’d scream “harassment” and have me detained by an election judge while she ran to her car and drove off. An older guy across the way was getting assistance from one of the staff. Apparently he couldn’t make out the names on the screen so she was reading them to him. He would say, “Who?” and she would read it to him a second time. He grunted and quietly opined, “You know, he’s an ass.” Quiet giggles all around.
I often think of how many times people have said we should vote for “none of the above” and start over. Unfortunately, that won’t work unless we know that everyone’s going to cooperate. And that’s the problem. Cooperation, more than anything else, is what’s lacking in our governance these days.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Monday, October 20, 2014
Anyway, it looks like we're going to be home between 5:30-6:00. Just after we pass the Dry Ridge, KY exit, about 32 miles from home, BOOM, nothing but a sea of brake lights. As far as the eye can see. In the next hour we moved exactly two tenths of a mile. When we started moving again there was no sign of what the cause of the backup may have been. No tow trucks, no cops, no mangled metal, no debris on the side of the road. Nothing. Plus, the glut of cars that had been backed up caused slow traffic all the way to the Ohio River. For awhile we might be moving at 45 mph and then it would suddenly drop to 20. It remained that way all the way home.
For some reason we were listening to the Sirrius radio Top 40 countdown from 1981. They had just started as we approached Dry Ridge. After we got stuck in the mess I jokingly said to Mrs. Grumpy that we'll hear the entire Top 40 before we get home. I wasn't even close; we heard all of the Top 40 from '81 plus another half hour of the following show. It took us 2 hours to travel the last 32 miles.
And that's why I like to stay home.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
By The Big Guy
Well, it’s a few days after Columbus Day (and just to dwell on Mr. Columbus a few seconds longer, do you know anyone who isn’t a mailman or the occasional teacher that has the day off?) and you know what that means: time to start listening to that very special song of the season. No, I do not mean “Monster Mash.” I mean, “It’s beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas,” of course.
The first announcement regarding the sport of Extreme Shopping came from our pals at Macy’s. Just a few days ago they let us know that they will be opening up their stores for your shopping pleasure on Thanksgiving evening at 6PM. Clearly, Black Friday falls on a Thursday this year and probably every year from here on. I am certain that announcements from Kohl’s, Walmart, Target and all the others will be out soon. The only way they could open up earlier would be to encourage shoppers to show up at their stores with a drumstick in one hand and the mashed potatoes and gravy in their pocket or purse. Someday we’ll regard the term Black Friday as something quaint.
I’m trying to back off the position I’ve held for so long, foolishly believing that Thanksgiving is a holiday for the family to celebrate together, whenever possible, with generations gathered together around the same table, to feel the warmth of being with those who love you. Apparently, as the last of the dessert dishes and the coffee cups are cleared, the opportunity arises for discussion of those items that, shall we say push the buttons of those closest to you, leading to the opportunity for mayhem. So perhaps having the chance to turn to everyone in the room and say, “I’d love to stay and chat all night but I’ve got to get to work behind the fragrance counter,” might be just the thing to avoid some bruised egos or worse. Maybe this is Macy’s way of saving the human race.
Actually, I think the myth of the Black Friday “Sale” has been explored a great deal in the last few years. It’s been pretty well proven that, while there are always those few incredibly cheap items of which each store has a limited number to sell, most things on sale over the Thanksgiving weekend are usually no greater bargain than they are when on sale during September or October. Most autumn and winter clothing hits the racks days after Independence Day (the new official end of summer) so there’s no reason you couldn’t get a great price on a pair of gloves or a scarf at the Labor Day Sale that you know is conducted at each and every store I’ve mentioned, as well as the online alternatives.
So go to Macy’s or anyone else who’s open Thanksgiving evening for some holiday shopping if that’s your idea of fun. I’d just suggest you put the mashed potatoes and gravy in a Baggie before you drop them into your pocket or purse.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Monday, October 13, 2014
I should preface all of this by saying that Mrs. Grumpy's car is nearing 100,000 miles and for about 6 months has had nagging little repairs every month. Rear brake job, leaking intake hose, pesky oil leak, not to mention new tires. All a lot cheaper than a new car, but still it seems like we're shelling out $250-$400 every few weeks. It's adding up and doesn't help the driver's peace of mind.
Last Tuesday she came home from working reporting a "clicking" noise on acceleration. She called our mechanic Wednesday morning and made an appointment for Thursday to have it checked. That brings us to early Wednesday afternoon and the dreaded "You busy?". When I paused SOA she suggested it would be a good day to go new car shopping. She had already done some research and wanted to look first at an SUV at a nearby dealer. We checked on the value of our trade-in and looked at the dealer's online inventory of her chosen model. They had a couple that after discounts and rebates were listed at $23, 080. I figured with a little haggling and our trade-in we could get a brand new SUV of her choice for well under $20K. I'm down with that.
So we hit the dealer and as soon as the salesman takes us to the selected vehicle and opens the door I know I'm in trouble. No leather, no sunroof, no heated seats, all creature comforts she has gotten used to over the last 9 years. She test drove it and liked everything about it except what it didn't have. So she asked to see a model with those features. That moved us from the mid-priced model to the top of the line, cream of the crop model. All of the above plus a panoramic moon roof, touch screen display that does everything but give you a blow job and little buttons on the steering wheel that control everything. Did I mention that everything can be controlled with voice commands? Change the temperature, change the radio, get directions, get sports scores, make a phone call, receive a phone call, send a text, answer a text and a million other things we'll never use. The section in the owner's manual for the touch screen command center is longer than the info about the rest of the vehicle. We were even able to upload a picture of our dog as wallpaper.
Before I knew it we were driving off in our new car, we had looked at nothing else and spent about $10K more than I had planned. But this winter Mrs. Grumpy's butt will be warm and that's what really matters.
Friday, October 10, 2014
I also have become one of those people I abhor. Because my phone has email, sports scores, news and stock reports, I find myself looking at it every few minutes. There is absolutely nothing I have to read right then, it just becomes habit, one that I find annoying in other people. I especially hate those who have their phone right next to them at dinner and are constantly looking at it, even during conversation.
I would be ahead financially and emotionally if I just went to WalMart and bought a flip phone with pay-as-you go minutes. Besides, it's more compact, which I also view as a plus because I know my next upgrade will be to a phone that no longer will fit in a shirt pocket. What did we do when we weren't wired in 24 hours a day?
Thursday, October 9, 2014
By The Big Guy
These days the doctorin’ business has certainly changed. What with the swamp of paperwork they are required to complete, doctors are seldom in individual private practice. At the very least doctors are in a group with two or three or four doctors at a single location. Frequently doctors are part of a much larger practice at a clinic. One thing that never changes is the waiting room.
It seems that the larger the practice the more important the job of the waiting room. On the other side of that reception desk are a number of rooms where you will actually spend your time with the doctor. But before you get to the Promised Land you’re going to share your time and space with a whole bunch of strangers, mostly sick strangers, in the waiting room.
Who are those other people? Most of them are patients but many of them are spouses or other relatives, drivers or caretakers. The relatives are probably thinking why couldn’t they have been related to someone healthier. The drivers are just thinking about what’s for dinner and the caretakers are wondering if they’ve chosen the right profession.
Proper waiting room etiquette is that you really don’t want to be making eye contact with anyone else in the waiting room. The problem is that so few waiting rooms have windows where you could direct your gaze. The windows seem to be reserved for the examination rooms, which are really the last place you need a window. So most people spend their time looking at their cell phones (like every other place on the planet), or staring at the stupid pictures on the wall wondering who would actually paint a picture of a cobblestone street between two brick buildings, or performing the ever popular count of the ceiling tiles (no fair multiplying). By the way, tell me the last time you saw anyone reading a paperback book in a waiting room, something that was once number one on the “Popular Things To Do in a Waiting Room” list. Anyone reading a book is doing it on their phone, which has the added advantage of allowing guys to read romance novels without having to reveal a book cover containing a picture of a fellow with incredibly long hair on a horse.
There are a few other things I find interesting about waiting rooms. First is the little stand near the door usually containing a box of Kleenex, a dispenser of surgical masks and a pump bottle of Purell, the better to protect you and those around you. This is a relatively new addition to the waiting room because I guess up until now it was perfectly acceptable to infect your fellow patients with abandon. The other thing is the ubiquitous Wi-Fi provided as a convenience, probably because of the amount of time you’re going to be waiting to see a doctor. If there’s a guy in the room with a laptop I would strongly urge you not to use it, so whatever you’re texting about on your phone doesn’t get sucked out of the air and posted on someone else’s facebook page.
Come to think of it, it seems like the waiting has actually been moved out of the waiting room and into those examination rooms where you wait in private until the doctor deems to stop by, do his exam and leave you in a flourish with the assurance that in all likelihood you’re not going to die today. What a relief.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Have you been to West Africa? Has anyone in your family been to West Africa? Has anyone in your circle of friends been to West Africa? Even if you answered yes to all of the above, it is still highly unlikely you are going to get Ebola. You contract Ebola from coming in direct contact with the blood or other bodily fluids of an infected person. Anything else the media tells you is a lie.
You want something to worry about? Influenza. That's right, the flu. Over 53,000 people a year in the U.S. die from flu complications. Why aren't we talking about that fact? Where is the media hysteria about the flu? Not sexy enough, I guess. Well, it's here every year and it kills a lot of people, mostly the very young or the elderly.
Every day you drive by multiple pharmacies with big signs urging you to get a flu shot. You're not going to get Ebola and neither is anyone you know. People you know will get the flu; probably none of them will die. Why take the chance? Get a flu shot.
Monday, October 6, 2014
Ok, so we're all aware. Now what? If you're a woman, get regular yearly mammograms. If you have a grandmother, mother, wife, sister, sister-in-law, aunt or niece, remind them to get a regular mammogram. Tell your friends, neighbors, acquaintances and strangers.
Mammograms save lives. Early detection saves lives. Don't just be aware in October; be aware all year. Lives depend on awareness and action.